Friday, January 28, 2011
One year ago today
One year ago today, January 29th 2010, I first heard the word neuroblastoma. I've mentioned before that this past year has felt like the longest year of my life. But one thing that seems like it has just happened is diagnosis. The memories of that routine first year check up and the weeks that followed are still so vivid - along with all the associated emotions. Something fundamental and deep inside shifted that day, changing me forever. There are some days when I wish this was all just a bad dream, and then there are days when I have found strength I never knew I had. One of the helpful lessons I learned at the parenting course is that of acceptance. Accepting everything both good and bad that has happened, because that is my life story. Often I have tried to bury the painful memories and emotions, but to do that is to lose part of myself. Besides, it can never really be buried, because it did happen. And often, those nasty emotions have a habit of coming back stronger than ever if I try to push them down. So each day I look at Carys's beautiful face and it brings fresh hope that all will be good.
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I know our year has been different to yours - but I can so strongly identify with this post. One diagnosis and your life will never be the same. I know all this medical information that I never thought I would have to know, I relate differently to people who are going through things similar to me... it has been a crazy year for us too. It was in January 12th '10 that we had our oscar test, Jan 17th that we knew it was really bad results from that, and February 17 when we first heard of "skeletal dysplasia"... coming up to our one year anniversary as well, and it's been on my mind every day lately... xox
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