3rd Post-op MRI

Last Monday, Carys had her 3rd MRI post-op. Everything went much more smoothly than previous scans because we had a pre-med called Midazolam about half an hour before she went under the GA. Carys drank the sedative with some cordial to mask the taste, and the effects were quite quick. In just a few minutes, she became unsteady on her feet, and gave me lots of goofy looks. It was a little bit amusing to be the recipient of her giggles and lopsided grins. But at the same time, a little disconcerting to see a toddler so spaced out under the influence of drugs. We also had a very kind anesthetist who showed me how to cradle Carys in my arms whilst I put the mask on her face for the GA. She only struggled a little bit before she went under. This was much better than having me and the nurses pinning down each limb whilst Carys screamed and the dr held the mask over her face. When Carys woke up, she was also still under the influence of the sedative, so was quite calm, and not screaming as she used to do. She gobbled up a container of strawberries and a muesli bar before the nurse suggested to slow down! They were so worried that Carys would throw up, that they sent us home with a plastic sickie bag for the car. It wasn’t need though and she was fine for the rest of the day.
We see Lisa, our oncologist on Tuesday for a check up and the results from the MRI and urine test. I try not to think about it too much. When I do, I try to be positive. When I look at her, I can’t believe that there is anything wrong with her, she is so healthy, active and happy. She is growing up into such a delightful little girl. At the moment, she’s playing hide and seek with daddy. This is 2 year old Carys version: When daddy says “where’s Carys?” she’ll pop out and say “Here!” Sometimes, her version of hiding is to clap her little starfish hands over her face. She’s probably thinking “if I can’t see you, you can’t see me!’ It’s a real joy to play with her and she has us smiling and laughing all the time. But there is that little kernel of fear that just won’t go away. I am in the middle of a parenting course designed specially for parents of children with cancer. It has been very helpful to learn some coping strategies, and to be amongst parents in similar situations. One of the objectives I want to get out of the course is to live with the fear. I already know that it will never go away. It is part of me now, so day by day I learn.